Few days ago, I came across this motivation video on YouTube about not to waste time. In the video, a professor asked his students a question.

How many hours a day you waste or how many hours a week you waste?

Professor in the video

After hearing the question, my mind started calculating how many hours did I waste every single day, and I am not proud of the answer. So this was the rough break down of my days for the past 4 months:

• On a regular weekday, I sleep at 12am and wake up in the morning at 8.30am. Then, I travel to work, reaching the office at 9.30am, finishing work at 7.00pm. And that’s it, most of my time after work is kind of wasted. I will reach home at around 7.30pm, have my dinner and then just start surfing the internet (watching movies, videos or scrolling through social medias). So it is roughly 5 hours wasted on a weekday.
• On weekend, I sleep at 12am and wake up in the morning at 9.00am. It is embarassing for me to write it down here, but yeah, I kind of wasted the rest of the hours doing nothing after waking up. Some times I will go out and meet friends but when I am at home, I mostly do nothing productive. So, it is roughly 10 hours wasted on a Saturday and Sunday.
• Overall, I wasted 45 hours out of the 168 hours I have in a week, which is around 26.8%.

It is not that I do not have stuff to work on, but for the past 4 months, I am not motivated at all to do anything. Everytime when I am suppose to do something, I will always find excuse to do it tomorrow, but that tomorrow never come. After doing some research on what is happening to me, I came across this article, and yeah, I think I am self procrastinating and the reason I am doing this might be because of me doubting myself. This self procrastinating has been going on for too long and I need to fix it. If you are reading this right now, it means that I made a move, I have been wanting to start a blog 4 months ago and I keep delaying it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow until now!

The video I mentioned above make me realize that I am taking time for granted because I am just wasting it like it will never end. However, the year 2020 is teaching me a lesson that life is really short, we have lost so many precious lifes due to on going Covid-19 pandemic, Beirut explosion, accidents, violence, diseases and many other reasons. May all of them rest in peace. On one side, I am really grateful that I am still walking around everyday with a healthy body, with a stable job and surrounded by family and friends. But, on the other side, I hate that I have been self procrastinating for the past 4 months. There have been a lot of things going on inside me and I am questioning myself a lot. I understand that there is no wrong for me to question myself, and I think that it is a pathway that I need to take to really know who I am. What I should really do right now is to stop self procrastinating and get things done! I hope this marks the end of my self procrastinating and make good use of the time that I have left no matter how short or how long it is. Here is a beautiful quote that I want to share with all of you:

Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.

Harvey Mackay